it’s been 3 weeks now since we received the eviction notice from our landlord. 120 days to vacate and no reason given…after 14 years our “home” is no longer, and with baby only 2 weeks away the timing honestly could not have been worse!
maternity leave has been filled with hours of online house hunting, inspections, applications and the harsh reality that renting in Melbourne is much more difficult now than it was 14 years ago!
Finding (and maintaining) a sense of calm has been a near impossibility for me – especially as I’m not he calmest of souls to begin with.
I want to embrace change – hell, I’m about to become a mother! My entire life is about to change! But having change forced upon you, and not on your terms…that’s a lot harder to accept/digest.
So it’s now going to be a whole new fresh start! Not even a new chapter but a whole damn new book! New baby, new family life, new home…once we find something that is.
How does one manage not to become completely attached to a place upon seeing it? Envisioning your new life there, imaging where the cot will go and how you’ll finally have a place in the kitchen for more than just a coffee machine (whose current home has been on the sink, may i add!) this is something I’ve always struggled with, but now with all the extra pregnancy hormones surging through my body, my emotions are on tender hooks.
I’ve shed so many tears over this (and other issues – when it rains it pours folks!) – some rational and other completely irrational. I know we’re not going to end up homeless, but the lack or certainty and security has been difficult to process.
My urge to nest has completely evaporated! I had only just started on Tuesday – day 2 of my maternity leave – with the arrival of baby’s cot. We pulled our room apart in anticipation, constructed the cot…and then the next day the eviction notice hit me like a truck.
I’ve been functioning in slow motion ever since. I know that a part of me was hoping that by some miracle we would find a place straight away, move everything over and start our new life there – welcoming baby into his brand new home while feeling happy and settled…Of course I now realise that was a dream of sorts, a wonderful (and very wishful) fantasy.
I’m 38weeks pregnant. There are piles of half sorted baby clothes all over our house, along with half finished tasks and piles of dis/organised chaos.
I’m trying hard to flick that switch – to re-engage the nesting and get back to calming the storm within, preparing myself for all that is to come.
But I’m struggling. A lot.
I have such a wonderful support network of family and friends, but I’ve been keeping my words closely guarded for far too long. This is (or at least, should be) one of the happiest times of our life, but I haven’t felt like I’ve been able to fully let go and enjoy all of the joyful moments.
Yes – life is filled with challenges. Things change – people, places, situations…You can’t control it, no matter how hard you try, but you can control how you react to it (aparently! Hah! I’m a work in progress guys!). I’m trying to get back to the place I was before all of this – preparing our home (and minds) for baby, getting ready to welcome him into this world and having a warm and loving homewaiting for him.
We managed to extend our stay here an additional 2 months, so we have a little more time, but it’s been hard to switch my mind into making this feel like home again. It’s been all I’ve known for my entire life in Melbourne – my entire adult life for that matter!
I still feel like I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me, like this is all a bad dream. The security I’ve always felt is gone but I have to focus on the positives. We’re getting a brand new start. Home is wherever we are together – no matter where that will be. I know we can make this work, I just need to shake off the feelings of helplessness. There is always a lot that is out of our control, but we’ll get there in the end…